Hey there. Not sure how much crit you're looking for and how harsh, but here goes.

Copy/edit style crit with suggestions/questions in caps. Take what you need from this. Toss the rest. This is your baby.

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Life is a dying vine in a land of harshness. [NICE OPENER! IT'S SIMPLE AND IT GRABS.]

[THIS SENTENCE HAS NO SUBJECT] Is an amorphous [anfractuous...FIREFOX SAYS THIS IS A MISSPELL, AND I HAVEN'T A CLUE IF IT'S SPELLED RIGHT EITHER. AND I'M TOO LAZY TO LOOK IT UP. ] tree, that conceals the suffering of the soul with [it's] big dead leafs. [At every minute that it dies...THIS PHRASE SEEMS WORDY TO ME. IMO, YOU COULD TAKE OUT SOME OF THEM AND HAVE IT READ JUST THE SAME, WHILE IMPROVING FLOW. 'EVERY MINUTE IT DIES'][,THIS COMMA COULD PROBABLY GO] with [it's...BOTH THESE 'IT'S' IN THIS PARAGRAPH ARE POSSESSIVE, BUT THEY SHOULD NOT HAVE THE APOSTROPHE. WITH IT, THE WORD BECOMES THE CONTRACTION 'IT IS.' THAT STUPID BUGGER GETS ME ALL THE TIME TOO.] [strangler...YOU MEAN 'STRANGLING'] crooked branches, squeezes and suffocates parts of my being[,...THIS COMMA SEEMS OUT OF PLACE. I DIDN'T PICTURE THIS PAUSE. ALL UP TO YOU THOUGH.] in slow-motion moves, taunting me at my every step through this damned land. [WATCH YOUR PREPOSITIONS AT THE END. YOU HAVE A LOT OF THEM. MAYBE REWORD OR BREAK THIS LAST SENTENCE INTO TWO?]


[It's] a vine, with [its...YOU GOT THIS ONE CORRECT BUT NOT THE ONER BEFORE IT] dead empty trunk still standing, with painful detailed bark of no importance, showing my every decision in its old wrinkles. [It intertwines around me, holding me with sadness while crushing my hope without a shred of honesty, always unveiled after the thin membrane of moss, illusion, covering the rotten wood, is ripped by a storm of true reality...ANOTHER LONG SENTENCE. BY THE TIME I WAS DONE READING IT, YOU LOST ME.]

I feel broken, tight to the heart by [its...YOU MEAN 'A'???] mouse-trap of one swirling branch, the vine. I'm wounded by its grip, tighter at each moment [that...'THAT'S CAN USUALLY BE DITCHED. THIS ONE CAN AND THE SENTENCE WILL READ JUST THE SAME.] a decision is made, constructing more deformed wrinkles.

Of the so called [tree...SHOULDN'T THIS NOUN BE PROPER TOO?] of Life, this rotting vine, is in fact the mouse-trap of the world, with [it's...OOPS. ANOTHER ONE.] roots in a bottomless pit.

Life inebriates [THE PERSON] who separates from it with its sweet disgusting smell of putrid grapes... Vine-tree Life is what it is... The end of it is the Thirteen Card, which will forever laugh of your meaningless growth! For it is not truly a tree, and it is not truly a bush. Life is the line between, that will never reach it's goal.

~~~

All my crit was about tightening. You tended to ramble on with a lot of commas, which acts as a run-on and can lose the reader.

My only other suggestion is to try to cut back on your pronoun 'it.' It's in there a lot and in places can lead to vagueness.

As for the metaphor... I stink at artsy stuff and I'll let someone who operates with the right side of their brain pick apart your composition. But I was definitely able to connect your metaphor and understand it. I also think you need a big hug if this piece applies to you.

Great work! Keep writing.
KM

--
<sub>~Pararoms and romanticas~

Co-founder of #Genre7 ~ Genre fiction and critique.</sub>

It's absolutely marvelous, albeit a little depressing for my taste, but worth a read never the less. I was shaky when I read the title as tree's have been compared to life numerous times but I feel this metaphor stands apart from the rest. One little critique, in the sentence "with painful detailed bark of no importance" I think painful should be changed to painfully.

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"Talking to someone with a big ego is like walking through a field of cows, it's a long and pointless journey and there's bound to be a lot of shit along the way."

Charles Nathan Whitaker

Thank you, very very much indeed!

I'm a bit dyslexic, and English isn't my mother language, although I can express myself better with it. So dyslexia+some bad English grammar=lots of typos

Anyway, about the commas, It is a writing style I just recently been using. A very famous writer, José Saramago, writes in this way and I, at first, were also confused. But now that I understand it, It seems to me a more natural way of reading and writing, continuing a thought without braking it with dots, transforming an idea into sentences separated by commas, even making long paragraphs like that (like and entire page!!!!) !

Anfractuous = crooked, sinuous, devious... Firefox dictionary lost points with that one.

This was an adaptation of a poem I've wrote some years ago. I'm not Emo at all, but sometimes I need to express my frustrations .

Any constructive critics are most welcome! I'll never say no.

Thank you again!

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WaNt SoMe TeA DeAr AlIcE?!?

Critique noticed, and accepted!

I see what you mean.

Thank you! Glad that you liked it!

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WaNt SoMe TeA DeAr AlIcE?!?

Main critique I can offer is a grammatical one. I understand your difficulty, if English isn't your first language, and even a lot of people who grow up reading/writing English still get it wrong.

*It's = It is (verb)
"It's a vine"

*Its = ownership (adjective)
"soul with it's big dead leafs"
"with it's strangler crooked branches"
"with its dead empty trunk"
"tight to the heart by its mouse-trap"
"I'm wounded by its grip"
"with it's roots in a bottomless pit"
"with its sweet disgusting smell"
"that will never reach it's goal"

You use both correctly and incorrectly in different sections of the piece mostly erring on the side of adding the apostrophe, rather than omitting it. Just remember to double check how the word is being used.

Oh, almost forgot...

It's can also stand for 'It has', but also only in the verb sense.

It's = it is OR it has (verb)

Example: It's currently raining outside.
OR
It's been raining for 3 days now.


Its = ownership (adjective)

Example: The cloud was incessant, its wet contents dropped on us continuously for days on end.

Sure do! Thanks

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WaNt SoMe TeA DeAr AlIcE?!?

I thought you did just fine. Other than the comma OD, I couldn't tell that English wasn't your first language.

The style you mentioned is definitely an interesting one, though I can't say I prefer it. But I like a faster paced style with very little pausing. All a matter of opinion is what it boils down to. No biggie really. If more people call you on it, though, you may want to address it.

I figured that word was spelled correct, but was just so obscure the Fox didn't know it. I sure didn't. Not sure why you didn't go with a simpler word like crooked, though. It has more of a negative connotation behind it than a frilly word does, and goes more to mood. Plus crooked is just more fun to say.

No prob. Take care.

--
<sub>~Pararoms and romanticas~

Co-founder of #Genre7 ~ Genre fiction and critique.</sub>

Agreed with Kira, lots of commas sort of detract from readability. And the ! in the last paragraph, I don't see a reason why the prose needs to shout at me. I see it more of a curling harsh thing, not a cheerleader. (All sarcasm meant to be funny btw, not hurt you <3 )

ANYWHO! Stuff I liked: the wood imagery, the thorns, and the nature of vines, I think with some polishing, it could be very potenet.

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If wishes were horses, we'd all be eating steak. - Jayne, Firefly.